I am Not a Piece of Paper

This is the most stressful time of year for a senior in high school. College applications are due at the end of this week. I have been feeling so much stress and pressure with ACT scores, applications, scholarships, and deciding what college to go to. Everything has been weighing down on me and I realized, the world wants me to be a piece of paper.

I am NOT a piece of paper. I care about who I am, not what I look like on an application. I don't have a 4.0, I have a low ACT score after taking it 5 times, and I haven't gone to Africa and saved lives. Sorry, but I'm not perfect! It feels like colleges now days just want robotic, perfect people. Everything has gotten so competitive that I feel like I'm not even allowed to be human.

I applied for a scholarship called Sterling Scholar at my school in the Family and Consumer Sciences category. The interview went perfectly, I was very qualified and feeling excited. I was in my sewing class when one of the teachers who interviewed me came in with a bouquet of roses and chocolates. She stopped my class and said she had an announcement to make. Naturally my heart started pounding with excitement thinking that I won. She then announced to my entire class that I lost and that I was runner up. This sweet teacher's intent was to make me feel good for trying, but in reality it humiliated me in front of all my classmates and I got congratulated on losing for the rest of the day. (It's important to note that I am so happy for the girl who got the award and I hope the best for her!) This experience horrified me and the second the bell rang I sprinted to my car crying and didn't go back to school that day. I got on my knees and cried to my Heavenly Father for comfort. I then had an overwhelming desire to receive a priesthood blessing. I had training for a new job in a matter of hours and I couldn't seem to calm myself down. My dad was working in Salt Lake, I couldn't get a hold of either of my brother-in-laws, and my brother was out of town. I then had the thought that a seminary teacher might be able to give me a blessing. I called to the seminary office and the secretary informed me the only teacher with prep period was my teacher Brother Walker who I am very close to. Instantly a relief fell over me that I knew I was going to be able to receive a blessing from a very close friend and I knew I would be okay. What a tender mercy and great experience that was to speak with him and receive a blessing.

Heavenly Father took care of me in my moment of heartache. He always does. Why? Because I am His daughter. I have decided that it does not matter what the world thinks of me. It doesn't matter what college I get into, it doesn't matter what score I got on my ACT, and it doesn't matter if I have straight A's. I am a daughter of God and He loves me. That's what matters. I still struggle with so many things and I am so far from perfect, but I know that Jesus Christ died for me and that He is always there. God has a plan for me. I can only do what I can do and in the end grades and test scores won't matter. Where I'm going and what I'm doing with the rest of my life is a mystery to me, but with Jesus Christ by my side, I know I'll be okay.